Whenever I talk with people about my time in SA they usually ask me something like this, "What's the most important thing you learned while you were there?" My response is "God always needs to come first and loving Him is so much more important than ministry work." It was a recuring theme in nearly every book I read during my time in Africa and I was constantly reminded of it. It was obvious that God was trying to teach me that lesson; however, I believe it's something that I have begun to forget.
I've been home for over a month now and have yet to find a job, or finalize any plans for future ministry work. I know that God has everything under control, but after a while I've gotten tired of "doing nothing", and wondering what I'm really going to be doing for the next year. There's a lot of different options as to what I could do, which on one hand is nice but on the other it's overwhelming trying to figure out which one is the best option.
My passion is helping people, and spending the last month not having the opportunity to serve that much has been hard on me. I feel like I'm doing nothing productive and I'm wasting valuable time. I truly believe that this passion is from God and He continues to burden my heart for the lost and those in need; with all that said, I think I've lost some perspective on what's most important though.... The only thing that lasts in this world is God and people, but God must come first. I struggle with this a lot. I love God and I love people, but sometimes I think I love people and the thought of helping people more than I love God and spending time with Him.
I spent a lot of time with God when I was in Africa, but we honestly had pretty hectic schedules most of the time and a part of me longed for the days when I could come home and spend as much time reading and praying and just being with God as I wanted. I knew for at least a month or so I probably wouldn't have a job and I could use that time to rest, get readjusted to life in the States, and get some quality Jesus time. I had great intentions of doing all of that, but those intentions haven't gotten me very far. For some reason, even though I have a lot more free time than I did in Africa, I spend less time with God than I did in SA! My devotional life is still better than it was before I went to Africa, but it has not progressed at all in the last month, if anything it has digressed.
This past week looking for a job and trying to figure out what the best thing to do in the next year really started to get to me. I became overwhelmed and was getting very stressed about it all. "Should I stay in Fort Scott, or move to Manhattan? Should I go to some kind of bible school or just get a job? Should I look for any job, or try to find one that I may actually enjoy?" Constantly going though my head. At times I would just think to myself "Why does this have to be so hard, all I want to do is help people!" A part of me also wished I could go back to Africa where life was more simple. I had no real responsibilities there and didn't have to make any major decisions. I know that's not possible though, and that it's not what God has for me right now, and I have to face reality at some point... Last night, as I was doing my devotions I started thinking about all the hurt and need there is in this world and how I want to help, but then I clearly heard God say to me, "Love me first." I realized that God is still trying to teach me the lesson that He has to come first. I've become more concerned with figuring out how I can "help" people than I have with my relationship with Christ!
People say that the enemy of what's best is what's good, which is very true. Helping people is a good thing to do, for me and for them. But, my relationship with God is what's best! Something that I lost sight of all too quickly. I'm very thankful that God gave me a nice slap in the face last night and reminded me of this crucial lesson.
So, what's eternal in this life?
God and people, but God must come first.
May we remember in this Christmas season what it's all about. It's about Jesus. It's about His love for us and the price He paid for us. Let us not forget or loose sight of this. He loves you more than you could possibly imagine. He's desperate for you, and wants the same in return!
Although what God said to me last night was meant for me, I believe we all need the reminder that He always comes first... May the phrase "Love me first" stay with you during this Christmas season!
"Love Me First"
