Is This a Dream?

"This can't be real, or maybe the past 9 months wasn't real. It all just seems like a dream now" That's what I was feeling the moment I got back to Kansas... I've been back in the States for a week now, and in some ways it feels like being in Africa was ages ago!

Overall, I think I've adjusted fairly well to being back. It definitely still feels like I'm dreaming sometimes, or that being in Africa was all just a dream. It's quite odd essentially having two different lives on opposite sides of the planet. The life I had in Africa is so different than the life I've had here and I've discovered that it is incredibly difficult to explain, or even talk about. Where does one even begin to describe what's happened in my life and what I've learned?

I spent the first few days at my parents house relaxing and getting all of my stuff organized, and trying to wash all the sweat and dirt out of my clothes! Then on Wednesday I came up to Manhattan for a visit to see all of my friends from college. I went to see my campus pastor and close friend. As soon as I got there they looked at me and said "Well, enlighten us. How was it?" The only thing I could come up with at first was, "Uhhh, it was really good . . . " I had no idea it was going to be this hard to talk about! Eventually I was able to explain some more of what I did and learned, but I felt like my words were weak at best. I was then asked to speak at Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship on campus the next night for a few minutes. I said yes and was hoping that somehow I would be able to summarize the last 9 months of my life into 10 minutes!

The next morning as I was starting to work on what I was going to say I realized that I had not taken the time to really sit down and process what had happened in my life, but more importantly in my heart. I realized how much God had revealed to me during my time in Africa. All the things that I learned I had an understanding of before, but after experiencing it first hand I was able to apply it to my life.... I ended up speaking for 40 minutes at Chi Alpha and I feel like God really gave me the words to describe my experience.

During reflecting back I also realized how awesome it is that God is always with me! It's very hard being back in Kansas where no one really knows what I experienced, and there's no one to reminisce with about my African adventures. But that's not true. God's been by my side every step of the way, and He's always there to reminisce with and He knows everything I've experienced.

Also, God reminded me that He is just as able to speak to me here as He was in Africa. There may be less or different distractions in Africa, but I know that if I take the time to continue to seek after Him he's there waiting for me.

One of the things I learned in Africa is to just trust in God and not worry about what's next. As for what's coming up in the next few months, I really don't know. I do know that later next year I will be going over seas again for ministry work, but until then I'm just trusting that God will provide a job for me. I know that He's got it all under control and I really have complete peace about it.

Is being back in Kansas a dream, or was Africa a dream?... I know that neither of them are, and for that I am very thankful. God's blessed my life abundantly. My life in Kansas, and my life in Africa. It's still odd thinking about having spent so much time in Africa and now being back in Kansas, but I know that God planned it that way so I'm not going to worry about it.

Saying Goodbye

It seems not that long ago that I was starting up this blog in preparation to come to South Africa, and now I find myself packing up all of my things and saying goodbye. The past 9 months have been an incredible experience to say the least! There's been so many highs (and a few lows) that I'm not really sure what say.... What I can say for sure is that I'm not the same person anymore, and I know that I've gotten so much closer to God. I think I have a better understanding of what it means to truly be one of His disciples and having to give up everything for His sake. I find that I'm able to trust God a lot easier now as well. I finally get it that He has everything in control, and all I need to focus on is loving Him and my neighbor.

In thinking about South Africa I find that it is a country of opposites. There's so much beauty, and so much pain. Black and white. Mountains and plains. Rich and poor. Hot and cold... It has some of the most incredible sunsets you will ever see. But more than the physical beauty of the land, I found another beauty here. It's the people-- black, white, or colored. Their love and hospitality have blown me away. The children can steal your heart with a smile, and I must say that I've come to love children so much more than I did before. God's been breaking my heart for these people for the last 9 months, and I must say that as much as I am excited to go home and see my friends and family, my heart aches when I think about leaving this place!

I don't know if God will ever bring me back to South Africa, but I know that it has changed my life and I'll always have a part of South Africa in my heart.

Saying goodbye.... it's so bittersweet, but I know that God's in control and even if He never brings me back to South Africa I know I will get to see many of my brothers and sisters from here in heaven.

Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and support! I am so grateful for it. God's done so much here, and you were such a critical part of that!... So again, thank you and God Bless!